The Second Moon of Adonis

I’ve been a bit reluctant to mention it here, but every few weeks or so I talk to a therapist for an hour. It started off as couple counseling, until about a month ago when Kris decided he didn’t want to go any more, so now it’s a solo deal for me.

I thought I’d hate it, but it’s grown on me to the point that I find myself looking forward to the appointments. I’ve had a lot of crap going on in my life, and having that hour every other Monday gives me a chance to talk about what’s going on in my head. It’s really pretty amazing the kind of clarity I can get when I let myself verbalize the stuff that’s been banging around in my skull for the two weeks before the appointment.

Last night, after I got home, it occurred to me that I often write things here for the same reason. It forces me to get my thought processes in order, at least enough to get my thoughts written down in in a way that someone else might understand them. I also realized that it’s a lot cheaper; the therapist expects a check every visit, but this place just keeps chugging along year after year and hasn’t asked for a dime yet.

I’m not going to give up the bi-weekly visits just yet, but if there’s a chance that keeping this place updated more often might just be beneficial to my mental and emotional welfare, then I suppose it’s worth a shot.

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I’ve been sneezing nearly non-stop for four days now.

In case I hadn’t made it abundantly clear already, I’m a 100% authentic geek. I like video games, I work with computers, I memorize cartoon theme songs, and I have the allergies from hell.

Now I’ll further prove my geekiness with a Star Trek reference. You know how the Borg adjust to weapons used against them, and develop an immunity to any type of attack after it’s been used a few times? If you don’t, that’s perfectly OK. Some of my best friends are normal. Anyway, I have the allergies of Borg. In the last several days I’ve gone through Claritin, Allevert, Nasalcrom, Benedryl and several generics in an attempt to find something that works, and nothing has. I seem to have developed an immunity to every antihistamine, non-drowsy or with drowsies, known to man.

I think I’ve been scaring people on the train. They obviously don’t know what to do in a packed BART car within spraying distance of a guy that’s sneezing like he’s got some incurable disease. I’ve watched a few get up and move to the other end of the car, or to another car entirely, in an attempt to get away from me.

It’s also made getting to the BART station a little tricky, since I’ve been somewhat doped up this week. I also think it really is physically impossible to sneeze and see at the same time. On my way to the train station I drive a fairly windy road past tall cliffs that drop into a lake, and every time I feel a sneeze coming I just know it’s going to lead to a very wet death.

How much would that suck? “In other news, today an East Bay man was killed by severe allergies.”

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Rough week. Exhausted. Finger still hurts. Can’t work up strength for definite articles or complete sentences.

Must sleep.

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I’m running on caffeine.

Every so often, I get fits of insomnia. I’ll have a several days where I can’t seem to stay in bed; the eyes pop open at strange times, and I know that no matter how much I’d like to, I won’t be able to go back to sleep.

I’m in the middle of one of those at the moment. If I start posting things here that sound like hallucinations, they probably are.

Published at blog.Adonis.net. You can comment here or there.